According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
