hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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