I didn't shave. On purpose
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
