what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
