I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
