who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
