I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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