I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
