I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize