Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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