I need help removing her.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize