Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
