I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
