saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
