Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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