people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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