Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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