I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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