Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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