So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
