The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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