I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
