Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
