and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
