I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize