ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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