By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
