I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
