My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
