get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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