He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
