I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
