I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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