alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
