I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
