you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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