Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
