you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
