Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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