And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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