There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We left the knife in your bed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
