Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
