did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There r osticjed everywhere
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
