I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
