Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
