ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
