Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize