my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
