I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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