I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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