mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
