i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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