so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
