To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize