Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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