I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
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Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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