the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
