his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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