NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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