i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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