recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
