when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
