Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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