You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
